By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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