I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You may now shotgun with the bride
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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