oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
