He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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