Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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