you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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