You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
