i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
