sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
