I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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