he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
