So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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