i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Randomize
