Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Who died my cat blue again?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
