UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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