I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
