Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
