yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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