we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
