It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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