So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
