return my video game
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
