My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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