My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
