I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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