: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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