Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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