i already hear my dad disowning me
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
