She tied me up with her honor cords...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
