First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
