were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
