took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
