I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
