She is in my trunk
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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