Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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