I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
