If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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