I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
