what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
