It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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