Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
