Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
