He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
