What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
