Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
