I'm really into asian looking animals
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
