so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
worst night to have a conscience
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I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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