Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
