She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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