He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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