i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
