Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
