Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
