Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
