Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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