By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
