Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My dad just said "fuck circus"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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