can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
