Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
