why didn't you poke me back
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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