Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
