tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
